Storm of despair.

There are times in life which show nothing but a dead-end. You do not know who is to blame. In the end, all you do self-incrimination.

I know times and situations do not remain perfect all the time. Rather, most of the times they follow no unblemished pattern. Circumstances are just an outcome of consecutive, back-to-back upshots. I know there are times when you feel there is nothing more to life, but even the darkest of days are not eternal. Miracles do happen, though rarely; mostly, defeat stares in the eyes. And one should have the courage to stare back.

As of now, I do not know what I aim to convey, yet piling my thoughts together. As a matter-of-fact, some events just instigate the least expected out of apparently, very plausible scenarios. I do not know if it is the selfish human nature that kicks in, or the fact that most of us are ready to go an extra mile, however, within our own limitations and comfort zone. This just makes me question relationships and their sancity all the more - does love even exist? Let alone true love. The oddly hour when a certain context exceeds peoples' parameters of acceptance, they usually flip to a one-eighty degree steep turn. Initially, I thought this was surprising. But today, as expected, it hurts me, though, is no longer a bolt from the blue.

To learn that those people are ones who you love the most - immediate family - nothing closer than that, or the closest of friends, inevitably bruises the spirit. It could be your partner, who you think would scale heights, lengths and beyond, to your happiness seems like nothing more than fastasm. Something like this pricking through the vessels of the body is ruthless.

The grimace that captures my eyes and face when I find myself only 'explaining' and 'justifying' my point of view leaves me disgusted and hopeless. I wince at the thought that there is no slightest grind of semblance between myself and the one who means the world to me. Rightly so, no one can keep imposing their pigeoned-vision views on you just because they think they are right. If only, people altered their thoughts beyond their own canvas of what is right or wrong - the world would be a much better place. Confinement within the walls of their own respective individuality and comfort zone is everyone's right and it is right. However, holding a pre-concieved notion towards every single object just complicates the simplest of situations. There should be variation, semblance and agreement upon disagreement.

My thoughts are so smudged, that most of this makes no damned sense. But there comes a duration where you feel abjected. After persistent attempts to establish the simpler scenarios as simplest, and sligtly complicated ones as simple, there is no strength left to resorb any further dents.

There is defeat, right here, right now. From head to toe, everything seems unattainable and forlorn. Like any other human, I also contain a circumscribed capacity to greet humps and dumps.

No one can spend an expanse of a lifetime in convincing someone - be it immediate relationships or friends - in explicating that their sentinment is probable and likely. Frankly, there is a world beyond a comfort domain. Everyone deserves room enough to be their very self inclusive of all sixes and sevens.

Life would be much simpler if there were modification, acceptance and flexibility. Sadly, those who expect the aforesaid from you are most stringent in extending the same towards you.

'Be strong' - now, deems futile. Even the strongest advocates of this phrase have their frail transformations. Because no matter how strong, we all have a compass to absorb illogic, inconsequence and immoderation.

In the end, you only conclude that no relationship in life comes with an untarnished ambience. Not even immediate family, let alone anyone else.


In the end by Linkin Park: www.youtube.com/watch?v=5AWbgkRpYwc

Living In Fake Eternity

Contemplation. Disappointment. Frustration.

Few years in the past, I had heard in a movie that each one of us is entitled a story, with its own turns and roundabouts, the fair share of challenges, the deserved amount of happiness and much more. On new encounters, we form affiliations that introduce others as part of our own plot, and so on. These chronicles develop with the passage of time bridging further connections. Being affected by each other becomes a normal part of the game. Back then, I thought of this as pointless and paranormal. But having traveled a long way, I seem to articulate these events to realise that they held true, back then, and even in today. 

I have seen and eye-witnessed various instances that affix the puzzles back in one piece. However, a brutal and melancholic component is, that this understanding comes only after having had thorns pricked beneath the feet. To fall seamlessly, hurt and be left all on your own is when one knows the true reality of this tale we call 'life'. It is a sorry state to learn the depth of relationships you think mean the world to you. Actually, no. Nothing should mean the world to anyone except their own transcendence. As a matter-of-fact, we get so absorbed in people who are merely present to form part of our story. Such involvement results in loss of self-containment and belief. In this entire worldly sphere, we tend to be partly or somehow liable for things that happen to us. If this alone isn't enough, we are somehow also obligated to claim for situations we face because of others. They don't happen to us because of our own self being, but act as a causative factor of actions performed by characters who become constituents of our fable. It is nothing less than deplorable to find yourself in hitches along the course of life that are a mere eruption of negligence of someone else. Since each one of us is either a cell in our own body or a cell to someone else's story, no one reserves the right to bring you a dull moment. If you find yourself in a mess, thanks to imprudence of someone else, they should retain modesty to clear your path ahead. Commodities be used, please, and humans be loved - sadly, this has resulted otherwise today. Because, yes, in brutal honesty, we all factor as characters' to one and others' play of life. Like wisdom by some considerate soul will light you up, hearty and blithe; indiscreet and cursory behavior will transmute one as glum, dismal and tearful. 

Disconsolate as always, reality is far more pensive than these wishful thoughts. Unfortunately, nothing comes close. Finding yourself in distress has only one solution - live through it. Somehow, after these all years, I have the strength to conform to this tragic verity. No marvel ever happens to set things right in life. We get affected by hurtful actions which root to losing trust and faith. Emotions, that are availed to advantages and create breeding grounds for further stabbing disappointments. It is only deleterious to ingest that those you think will hold you when you fall are the ones to push you off when you stumble. It is only a fairy-tale where you can possibly assimilate a miracle, larger than life, to happen and furbish all blemishes off, not this legend called life.

In all consciousness of a female, we gravitate that some day, a man will polish all the rough surfaces we ever laid our eyes upon, and only make the palate spark with glory and righteousness. In most cases, this renders as prevarication. So, ladies, the only man, most likely, in your life who will scale heights and take anything, come what may, to make you smile is your father. 

It feels like liquefaction into a quicksand of despair to get wind of the harsh corporeality. No relationship in life comes with any guarantee of virtue, wholeness and contentment. For those it does, should consider it as blest of divine grace. For those that it doesn't - the idea shouldn't be foreign. Completely unbiased, it may be a woman for a man or vice versa, or a relation with an absolutely different nature such as friendship.

The only helping hand you will find at the end of the day stands at the end of your own arm. It's all, literally,  you, yourself, your fibers, pulses, nerves and feelings... It's all about you. Be the guide of your own conscience. If circumstances fall beyond your shock absorption capacity, the only agent to lift your brim is your own spirit.

With each trace of ruthlessness, all I feel is stronger. After a while, even the lights will dim away if there is lack of activation and glint inside your own soul. 

Rightly they say, "Insaan dunya mei akela ata hai or akela hi chala jata hai."

www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVGGIalF66k

After a while, even the lights cease to flicker.

Because there is strength in your differences, and comfort where they overlap.

This world welcomes every heartbeat to life surrounded by relationships - parents, siblings, friends, lover and so on. Most of us think: having blessed with these relations is no big deal. We all open eyes to see our mothers stay awake at 3 o clock in the morning when we cry as toddlers, our fathers running here and there to mint money and provide a comfortable life. Our siblings, who bond to become a source of pleasurable ease. Some of us are raised in a lap of luxury, and the rest make their ways through the grains and morsels of wheat, somehow climb the ladder with the help of the relationships they find around. 

Very few experience the sacred arousal brought by true love. It is so rare, rather nonexistent, that, at times one wants to resort to the notion that it is no more than an illusion in this contemporary world. Someone who finds the light to this path is more than fortunate; while the rest, simply think of it as 'extinct.' 

With the summation of all this, the story doesn't end there. The soulful glories begin where the events of a usual degree cease. There are connections in life that are beyond any literal meaning. They require no entitlement of a material relationship as that of a husband, mother, daughter, sister - none whatsoever. They are of exceptional ability, castled through a novel lead of events. They hold no contingency to the customary rituals of a general, expected pattern. Greatly off-beat and unhackneyed, they enter through corners and imbibe in the soul, the blood and its contact with the ingredients that form the pulses of human nature. They collide in arrangement and circumstance and largely beyond the obvious. They soak up the moisture through pores and interstices from the environment, tension, and distressed minds. Having wiped the baggage and burden, these ligaments cleave ties that are beyond the parameters of definition and entitlement. Out of the ordinary, the restlessness quilts to transform into solace, immense gratification and ease. 

Upon fusion to this, many of us will confront this feeling as 'love' - the idea may not always be true. For some, it will always be a close fight, a dilemma of what such a binding should be termed as. Having said so, this obscured  tie could be strong and emphatic in its own circle of style. It is just about fitting into the haphazard puzzle of life. Forming a relation as this, you prick and click the next second to experience an intense sigh of relief. Perhaps, an impeccable respite that no tangible association can fetch to one's heart and mind. 

At certain points in life, such attachments may exceed in stature than all palpable relationships inclusive of love. This is unseen, imperceptible, yet convincingly soothing in a unique way. It can be enchanting, platonic and gifted. 

Keys to such doors are rare to discover. If some eternity of a similar sort walks to you, it is worth more than just gratification. It may be a reward or a road to meed - one can't be sure. It is simply knitting and there to stay. Don't roll in confusion and switches because once the soul tastes it, it will know what's more than worth and what isn't. 

Because there is strength in your differences, and comfort where they overlap.

'Dur' by Strings: www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3132U-G6fg

On the lining of the soul