Whether applaudable - I have my doubts:

Summer expansed with its bright colours. The sun shone in its full glory, mighty and hot. The sky was clear and there was only so much the clouds could do to overshadow the blaze of the sun.

The weather doesn't necessarily bring all pleasant happenings. Darkness always rests in a corner and springs up wherever it finds light to prosper.

I grew up thinking that I will never let this drab of darkness overpower me. I thought having had everything in life, or at least attaining things to my wishes, there is nothing more I could ask for. I satisfied myself against the notion that prosperity will always touch my feet if I face all the dark episodes to reach brightness again. I framed a set of rules where materialism occupied space to a bare minimum. I thought obtaining parental consent upon every action and acknowledgement of accountability is where true flashes of light are. I convinced myself to believe that money is merely a need and must stay within those parameters to keep the charm of relationships alive, which are most important, if nothing greater. I placed cardinal importance to honesty where it achieved the highest rank on its pedestal. I believed that transcending the aforesaid will only revoke the sanctity of my set of rules. I started believing that as humans, we are bound to zero concept of free will and as dependents, our will should first be approved by our guardians. It strongly caught me that at the end of the day, we all owe a major portion of our existence to those who originate us.

Today, I feel awful. I see nothing but an opposite manifestation of the foregoing. Life, in general, has portrayed unambivalently otherwise.

To all what I have held on the highest rung of the ladder, has overwhelmed me than outweighing my intentions. Today it all seems like a plague of nasty mushrooms. From materialism to parental consent and honesty, it was all in all a fruitless exercise. The fact that I have always wanted to 'convince' my guardian before taking a step forward has predominantly dumped me. As many times as I have made the effort of being heard and understood with logic, the outcome is inane. You can't outshine an elder with over forty years of age and life experience against your trivial twenty or twenty-five year old covets.

Materialism follows, as money does play a primal role in everyone's life. As a little girl, I always longed to educate myself at the best of places as part of self grooming. But reality be, who doesn't want recognition and reward for hard work?

Monetary benefits do serve as an underlying motive for various things, sometimes unintentionally. Honesty, to begin with, is a rare trait these days. It is spoken of very highly, however, appreciation extended upon action is cipher.

Most people are absorbed in a race where there is minimal room for matters of the heart, dignity and emotion.

I do not know whether it is the culture or nurture - which of the two deem appropriate. Having said the above you end up exercising a nil degree of control over your life. In substance, we owe our entire life to people who we think are important, for example parents and guardians. Unfortunately, we forget that we still remain a different person nonetheless. A person with a heart and feelings; a soul with a distinguished heartbeat.

Walking wayward - whether to collapse on this or think of it as just another instance where life gave up on me? After the rigorous attempts of establishing myself clean yet attaining zilch, I have learned to claim onus for my action whose discretion of commitment belongs to me, and only me.

A significant portion of our lives still remains dedicated to us inclusive of full commitment, acknowledgement and responsibility. No matter how dependent, you do remain a separate person in the totality of facts.

Notwithstanding the above, is persuasion worth the time and energy especially if you stay unheard after the whole exercise? Whether or not applaudable, I have my doubts.

Introspection.