RIP Hope.

The last few weeks have damaged my soul, perhaps irreparably. Every newsflash on TV, every online news post, every facebook status has been a blow, first bruising my optimism, then incising through it until all that is left is a gaping hole with every ounce of hope spurting out of it. Nothing seems to heal it. Its like you're being sucked into the quicksand of despair, and every effort you make to cling onto any shred of optimism seems to suck you in even deeper. How low have we stooped as a nation. First the rampant terrorism, then the ruthless murder of minorities, blowing up houses of worship, lynching innocent boys, corrupt politicians and now they've snatched the last bit of optimism from the nation. Pakistani cricket, perhaps breathed its last of late. I just feel sick to the guts. Is there any hope left now? You wonder if there are any honest good people left anymore? Or are they practically extinct? Is morality and honesty a forgotten virtue now? I try to find hope from the most trivial of things. Yesterday it was the joy of finding a mosque for Jummah in a small English town. This morning, it was the expectation of a youthful Pakistani team making the nation proud. Now, its nothing.

Its not that cricket alone seems to mend it or the fact that the cricketing scandal hit me so hard. Its just that perhaps cricket represented the collective hope and optimism of people who were drowning in this constant daily deluge of death and despair. It united us, gave us hope and was something to make us smile. when nothing else worked. Now, it turns out that it was a facade as well, hiding the evil face of deceit, corruption and greed. They betrayed us; all of us. The few remaining simple, optimistic, hopeful ones amongst us. It is like in a dark, dingy, suffocating room, cricket represented a crack in the wall from which fresh air and light managed to reach us. Now, with that gone, we're all left to suffocate in the darkness of despair.

It is a dog eat dog world out there. I was always an idealist, always in the false delusion that perhaps ideals and virtue reign supreme, at least, in the end. I don't know what to believe in anymore. I love my country, even though I've practically not done much for it. Yet I love it to bits, the kind of love that can make you teary eyed and think about it before sleeping. I'm always the one defending Pakistan whenever one of my friends or acquaintances or random strangers badmouth it. I can't do that anymore. It's like somebody has knocked you in the stomach so many times that it has sucked the air out of you and before you get the last knockout punch, you just give up and fall to avoid further pain and humiliation. To those living in a foreign land, your ONLY identity is your country. People identify you as a Pakistani. And every time something like this happens, you hang your head in shame and act defensive, claiming that it's just a few mad people, a few greedy people, a few corrupt people. How long can you realistically keep doing that? Sooner or later empirical evidence would suggest that instead of a few random occurrences, it is in fact a deep-rooted, systematic and ideological phenomenon that is enshrined within the mentality of the people, that it is some incurable malaise that plagues our hearts, minds and souls. I've given up on the inherent goodness of people. All the good people (who are an endangered species) end up being used, abused, and thrown to the dogs. I don't know what to say anymore. Its like another flood has submerged my brain. The deluge of hopelessness and depression. Perhaps, I need to take a break from the world wide web; the blogs, the depressing facebook status', the television news channels and the online newspapers. Perhaps, ignorance really is bliss in this crazy world.

I'm heartbroken. There is a big void in my soul now. In a small corner of that void is a tombstone reading: RIP HOPE.

Random meetings...aren't that random!

Ever sat and recollected all those instances, apparently most trivial, that hold the crux of the situation, that we let go.

As humans, we all tend to believe in coincidences. Often, they bring the amount of happiness that we do not receive otherwise. Most of the things in life we witness, we call them "coincidences". May that be meeting someone randomly, tripping on to a page on the internet, or just bumping into an old friend at a restaurant down the road. But in most cases, our minds fall short of the ability to comprehend that it was just not a coincidence, it was a connection that was meant to be, that was bound to happen. I personally gain nothing out of things that I try to reason - how, why and where - the trial of never ending questions, but just believing that sometimes goodness knocks at your door is merely not a coincidence. A lot of us witness signs that are beyond comprehension, dreams that hold latent interpretation, incidences that manifestly do not unmask the motive but placing faith and believing that it is usually for our betterment. Such instances we come across are a message from heaven.

The world is overly populated today. You can't find someone to form a link with by setting out in the dark holding a candle. Life keeps surprising you every moment. In the most casual of locations, least important occasions and a complete non-situation is where one travels a milestone that can change your life from scratch.

On the spur of the moment it's hard to realise this. But life shows you seasons, that reasons do not know or understand. God paves ways that our eyes don't see just because minds don't comprehend. Accidents, incidents and co incidents happen just to unchain a road that becomes your torch eventually.

If only, with every step in life, we realise, it's not random. Those random meetings...are not that random. Hang in there till your puzzle finds a meaning. You never know when you come across something or someone that would later be the interpretation to your dreams. It's only upon arrival that your mind solves the riddles and is able to bridge the connection.

“Invisible threads are the strongest ties.” 

It's amazing how a song can hold such huge amount of significance

You want reality unmasked? - Choose death.

Howling winds and shattering window panes, heavy raindrops hitting the tin roofs in patterns, causing it all together to sound like a vicious melody. Romantic weather or a pure sign from God? Time for lovers to miss each other or for every being to clasp their hands and bow their heads in prayer? The hourly changing weather nothing but another step towards the end of this mortal world, yet people seem to be engrossed in their ignorance. The reality shines with utmost clarity, yet their eyes seem to act as mirrors; reflecting it all away. Evil from beyond has played its part with precision. Managed to tie an invisible blindfold around each and every one of us impeccably, leaving us with an ability to view,but depriving us from the power of observation. We see the atrocities, yet we fail to realize the truth. We know the facts, but are devoid of the much needed belief. I look around me and, although I'm in no way superior than the other, I feel that every single being rushing by me is hollow. It is as though I can see right through them,and not see a soul in any one of these walking bodies. And this weak soul in every one of us is what lets the powers succeed in their villainous mission. I see people quench their thirst with water, fighting their hunger with food, and I think to myself: is there anyone out there capable and convincing enough to explain to them that food and water only aid in suppressing physical needs? The soul needs much more than that; it needs belief, a belief so strong it gives the all-knowing master up above no other choice but to make you succeed, it needs devotion, and lastly it needs the pure truth; not a customized view of the world to make it seem pleasurable and immortal.

...We need to be ready for the here-after, and we need to start right away before its too late to redeem ourselves.

Ask your heart what mothers worth, your heart will say, "heaven on earth" -

To anyone who told you you're no good... they're no better.

What defines growing up? Quitting all those things that were once part of life in the youth does not define 'growing up'. In reality, we all know we have grown up when we stand solely on the mountain built by our own thoughts, derived from our very emotions.

"We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public" -Bryan White

In the aura of everyday life, we blend with the moving times and tend to forget those little things that once brought us happiness, thinking that they are a thing of the past. As an adult today, when I look back, one of the many exciting chapters of life as kids was 'cartoons'. Watching them even when you turn 40 does not weigh you down from growing up - or does it? They definitely don't. Cartoons come as riddle to human minds. With them, they bring smiles that burst. Most of us are a rolling dice, thanks to the humour they provide.

You know you have grown up when you mature. You know you have matured when you simply know what you want from life. You stop chasing. Instead, one starts creating their own self. Equipped with logic and emotion, you are ultimately a person you never thought you will be. We all grow up and learn of a side of us that is unique. Being what you are not is a waste of your own existence. By being yourself, you add an element to this world that never existed before.

Growing up does not mean letting go childishness - "Childishness? I think that's the equivalent of never losing your sense of humour" -Walt Disney. Every single person grows up to be unique with their own thoughts and ideas. As humans, one should believe in the inherent goodness of people. If my logic differs from yours, I will not consider you 'bad'. Don't judge anyone just because they sin differently.

An ideal homogenisation is achieved when we adapt according to different situations. Humour, ego, logic, emotion, love and spirit sums up to transform each of us as a person, a separate soul charged with an idea and sentiment to move on, to make a difference.

Lastly, you know you are unique, you really do have worth. You know you can endure. And you know you are a strong. So don't distress for anyone who doesn't find you even; always let your conscience be your guide.

When you light your own candle to brighten your soul and gracefully become your own armour

~ Solitude ~

Story of every heart who says good bye to a certain someone, home or your native land:

There was a time when I dreaded solitude. Who wants to be alone on their own. Hostel life had made me used to be in the company of friends 24/7. Life was full of hustle and bustle. Whenever I went back home, it was the same; surrounded by siblings who'd make sure there wasn't a dull moment.

Then when I came here, solitude became a regular companion. So many days and nights spent in unknown cities, amidst people who I had never known and spending nights in hotel rooms, practically living out of the suit case. Having a housemate who was in the same profession also didn't help. When I was back home, she would be away and vice versa. Weekends were better in terms of being amongst friends but that too for a couple of hours at most. The great things about humans is how adaptable we are. Slowly and gradually, we adjust to solitude and get used to the peace and quiet. It has its own charm. The silence doesn't resonate in your soul. It echoes with your conscience and helps you realize things which you wouldn't have pondered otherwise. The deeper meanings of life. Your relationship with the Creator and His Creation. You find whole new worlds and ideas in books that become your best friends. It is a refreshingly healing experience for your soul. Back home or amongst friends, people just ask you questions; loads and loads of never ending questions. The whys, the whens, the whos and the hows. When your on your own, you get the time to pose questions to yourself; straightforward and honest questions - And that gets you thinking. A train of thought, imagination, creativity, everything gets going. You reach a state when you stop running after people. You see you don't need them. All you need is Him, only Him. People, they come they go. The ones that last, you take them as His blessings, but you learn to disassociate yourself from expectations related to people. 

I know, too much of everything is not good. The middle path, the balanced approach is the best. However, there is a reason why all the great sufis, the thinkers and even our Holy Prophet (PBUH) turned to solitude. It brings you closer to God and helps clarify alot of things that are no longer obvious in the hustle bustle of life.

♥ .. [[ Man loves company - even if it is only that of a small burning candle]] .. ♥ 

“I restore myself when I'm alone.” 
― Marilyn Monroe