Vitiated

Relationships--they are what we make of them.

An assumption when 'relationships' are being talked of is a typical romantic tale of two hearts. For the love of God, these stereotypes need to fade out. 

Relationships can be any: parenthood, sisterhood, friendship. The parameter of a relationship is not restricted to a romantic husband-wife one, for that matter.

Now that we have finally come to terms with the fact that the canvas of relationships is broad, the question is:  what it's worth. I know, most of us will respond ferociously to this. Obviously, relationships ARE worth it, come whatever!

Seriously? I beg to differ. Unfortunately, very few are WORTH it. Somehow, one gets too tied to withdraw from this ballgame of relations, that amputation seems unattainable. Even though, I take pride in admitting that I don't give up on my relationships. Irrespective of how twisted the tale is, there is always a way. Where there is love, there is hope.

But what I have recently discovered is: relationships give up on me; even if I don't. I don't, I won't, ever. No matter how unrelenting circumstances are, they will not deserve to be sloughed. At least, this is what I would like to believe; to get better, to feel better.

Why do they give up on me--is the sixty four thousand dollar question. Perhaps, I am the one to feel so? Why would I feel so hopeless for no reason? 

I think the answer is simple: projection. As they say, making a mountain out of a mole. Why do people have this habit of projection one issue over the other and then hype about it? It's like expecting to land in Maldives and Turkey one after the other--the routes and flight connections differ a great deal. Kill your darlings!

I am flabbergasted. Even though I believe humans do not and should not be operated with a remote control--like switching the television on and off. But there is something called 'letting go'. Why should I be begging to 'let go' when the noncompliance isn't even worth the dissensus?

Although I am in NO way superior than the other; but I do know that I contain a sincere intent to resolve issues and nonissues (since they're made to look like bigger issues, unfortunately). Frankly, when eight out of ten times, you find yourself in a hot spot of perpetrating a noncompliance; the leftover two, rather sure-enough instances seem undeserving of the candle. 

Effective and proportionate efforts and time investment are essential to let a bond flourish. However, my truest call is: don't rave over the efforts if you can't appreciate them--if nothing greater.

If you can't change them, change the way you feel about them: seems apt, isn't it? It's not, I tell you. It is a plague of nasty mushrooms; you can't. This is what makes relationships so complex.

No relationship in life comes with unconditional aura; not even immediate family. There are times when you just want to give up instead of letting go. There are times when you want to let yourself be. 

Set me free - Casting crowns: www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRtN0MMJYzw

They say, things will change; but I believe, enough damage has been done.

I wrote this in the week that followed this incident. The delay in posting it DOES NOT mean that the damage has lessened. It hasn't, it never will. Nothing on the face of this planet can fill in for a loss of an innocent soul.

I was exhausted that night. I stepped in my room, consumed to the brim. It was a manic day. Long eight months had passed. Finally, a much awaited concern was brought to shore. It was an issue an almost every Pakistani today supports. A decision that bummed out more than the most. It sold like hot cakes; bulletins flashed on every channel. It was none other than the horrendous murder of Shahzaib Khan.

The heartrending story of Shahzaib Khan was a ray hope, despite tragedy, that every citizen of the country looked forward to. A catastrophe that would become a platform to enforce justice in this sorry state of affairs. An incident that replenishes humanity and value of human life. However, the outcome has left me furious.

Why can’t there be justice? Why can’t the assassin be hanged? Why isn’t there an inch of remorse or guilt? I look at it like a failure—Pakistan’s failure. A state where horrendous crimes are not condemned; where wrongdoers are encouraged because evil is no big deal. Thirty three crore and an Australian residency for a life? Really?

The aftermath eminently shows that a meagre amount of light was shed on this incident; one that deserved justice, time and expertise. How can we stop Hamzas, Zains and Shahzaibs from dying such painful deaths, flipping the entire world apart of families they leave behind? How can we stop the funeral of hearts of those left stray after losing their loved ones? What about those who are sinless yet die every day? Killing one innocent is like killing the whole mankind.

Leaders who stand responsible are focusing on their post President Ship tenure. If this is how dysfunctional this country is, we cannot help but let Hamzas, Zains and Shahzaibs die. All this while these calamities hit the people, our judiciary focused more on planning their moves against the Former President Musharraf.

In coming months, if more immaculate souls die due to such irreverence and intolerance, I wouldn’t be surprised. In addition, it wouldn’t be shocking to see bloodshed right outside my doorstep; however, it will only trigger an inexplicable sense of repentance and heartbreak.

They say, “Things will change.” Who will change them? Imran Khan? I think they are all the same—some just better looking than others.

It is traumatizing to be in a state where seeking justice can become a menace. There is no way that societal and life hazards can compensate against a life itself. That night, I felt my hopes distilling into a quicksand of despair; not just because of Shahzaib, but based on an anthology of similar events. The Government is for the people. But what in it is for the people? Nothing that I can see.

They say, things will change; but I believe, enough damage has been done. 

Not everything that money can buy--surely not forgiveness. We're sorry for that, Shahzaib. Rest in peace.

Rest in peace Shahzaib.

Justice for one is justice for all. 

Odds and ends

Tonight is a moment--one in a million.

Tonight, the bright and dark are moving in parallel. The bright is reflecting against the dark, forming a shadow--a shadow of your soul on mine. Tonight, I am looking for you in fumes that are emitted. Because you still exist in the heat of the flame, in beat of the music. Because you are still alive in the dark themes of the night. Because your laughter echoes in the swishing of the wands. Tonight, I am looking for you in numerous directions. Because you showed me the right path--be it through Platform 9 3/4 or another express train. Tonight, I am looking for you behind the masks--with a hope that you will unleash your privy existence. Tonight, I am looking for you in the reflection of the drinks--orange, yellow and green, in the phantom of the goblets. Because you live in different shades that are incorporated in the ambience. Tonight, I am looking for you in the scents spread across the room--they fill up my heart.

Tonight, I am looking for you to come alive; in everything that there is. Because you still live behind closed doors, because you still live  in the chemistry of our bond, because you are alive in every moment I live, because you have conquered my soul to the depth. 

Tonight I want to see your face because you live in my heart. Tonight, I want to hear you because your laughter instills life into me. 

Because tonight you are awaited. Tonight I want to fly to you on a Nimbus 2000. 

I would if I could preserve this moment. A moment where white and black are reflecting in the mirror. There is a shadow of glum. But that is the nature of life. Yet tonight there is so much brightness. 

Hogwarts will always show you the right path. 

Once I was dissatisfied, now I am contented.

Everything happens for a reason. Circumstances change. People come and go. Those who stay should be taken as blessings. Amidst all this, one can only chase so much. Upon counting, life has numerous loose ends, but tying them together always bridges the gap.

There was a time when I possessed a never-ending desire for more. Little imperfection made me outrageous. Small accidents tore me apart. Strangers could ruin my day. Every day was a battle, where I stood lonely and dejected by the world around me. With every sunrise, a packet of concerns and worries unchained itself to me. With every new step, I found instances from the past that could ruin my present. In the end, I had enough reasons to feel burdened, which in substance were destructive to my inner.

This marked the mid of my teenage.

Numerous stepping stones stirred the realization that inner peace is priceless. There is not everything that money can buy. Coming to terms with myself was a gradual process; however, once achieved, changed my life drastically. It brought an impeccable sense of enlightenment about life as a whole. A time came when I learned to live with my shortcoming as they belonged to me. I learned to juggle with failures because I used them to my advantage. I began to rely on destiny because I understood that humans lack mystical powers. There was a sense of courage and contentment. As I grew up, fear and dissatisfaction faded.

Sometimes, life showed closed doors. But every exit had an entry somewhere else. With every closure came a get-go. Every action had a reaction. Time fetched me peace. Once I felt excruciated about my detriments; now I have learned to accept my increments and detriments both. Once I was hopeless. Now I am hopeful. Formerly, I ran after things that were not mine. Now I am satisfied with those alone that fall within my ambit.

I learned to glint my dark soul in times of peril. Once I was dissatisfied, now I am contented.   

Look. Admire. Appreciate.