RIP Hope.

The last few weeks have damaged my soul, perhaps irreparably. Every newsflash on TV, every online news post, every facebook status has been a blow, first bruising my optimism, then incising through it until all that is left is a gaping hole with every ounce of hope spurting out of it. Nothing seems to heal it. Its like you're being sucked into the quicksand of despair, and every effort you make to cling onto any shred of optimism seems to suck you in even deeper. How low have we stooped as a nation. First the rampant terrorism, then the ruthless murder of minorities, blowing up houses of worship, lynching innocent boys, corrupt politicians and now they've snatched the last bit of optimism from the nation. Pakistani cricket, perhaps breathed its last of late. I just feel sick to the guts. Is there any hope left now? You wonder if there are any honest good people left anymore? Or are they practically extinct? Is morality and honesty a forgotten virtue now? I try to find hope from the most trivial of things. Yesterday it was the joy of finding a mosque for Jummah in a small English town. This morning, it was the expectation of a youthful Pakistani team making the nation proud. Now, its nothing.

Its not that cricket alone seems to mend it or the fact that the cricketing scandal hit me so hard. Its just that perhaps cricket represented the collective hope and optimism of people who were drowning in this constant daily deluge of death and despair. It united us, gave us hope and was something to make us smile. when nothing else worked. Now, it turns out that it was a facade as well, hiding the evil face of deceit, corruption and greed. They betrayed us; all of us. The few remaining simple, optimistic, hopeful ones amongst us. It is like in a dark, dingy, suffocating room, cricket represented a crack in the wall from which fresh air and light managed to reach us. Now, with that gone, we're all left to suffocate in the darkness of despair.

It is a dog eat dog world out there. I was always an idealist, always in the false delusion that perhaps ideals and virtue reign supreme, at least, in the end. I don't know what to believe in anymore. I love my country, even though I've practically not done much for it. Yet I love it to bits, the kind of love that can make you teary eyed and think about it before sleeping. I'm always the one defending Pakistan whenever one of my friends or acquaintances or random strangers badmouth it. I can't do that anymore. It's like somebody has knocked you in the stomach so many times that it has sucked the air out of you and before you get the last knockout punch, you just give up and fall to avoid further pain and humiliation. To those living in a foreign land, your ONLY identity is your country. People identify you as a Pakistani. And every time something like this happens, you hang your head in shame and act defensive, claiming that it's just a few mad people, a few greedy people, a few corrupt people. How long can you realistically keep doing that? Sooner or later empirical evidence would suggest that instead of a few random occurrences, it is in fact a deep-rooted, systematic and ideological phenomenon that is enshrined within the mentality of the people, that it is some incurable malaise that plagues our hearts, minds and souls. I've given up on the inherent goodness of people. All the good people (who are an endangered species) end up being used, abused, and thrown to the dogs. I don't know what to say anymore. Its like another flood has submerged my brain. The deluge of hopelessness and depression. Perhaps, I need to take a break from the world wide web; the blogs, the depressing facebook status', the television news channels and the online newspapers. Perhaps, ignorance really is bliss in this crazy world.

I'm heartbroken. There is a big void in my soul now. In a small corner of that void is a tombstone reading: RIP HOPE.

Random meetings...aren't that random!

Ever sat and recollected all those instances, apparently most trivial, that hold the crux of the situation, that we let go.

As humans, we all tend to believe in coincidences. Often, they bring the amount of happiness that we do not receive otherwise. Most of the things in life we witness, we call them "coincidences". May that be meeting someone randomly, tripping on to a page on the internet, or just bumping into an old friend at a restaurant down the road. But in most cases, our minds fall short of the ability to comprehend that it was just not a coincidence, it was a connection that was meant to be, that was bound to happen. I personally gain nothing out of things that I try to reason - how, why and where - the trial of never ending questions, but just believing that sometimes goodness knocks at your door is merely not a coincidence. A lot of us witness signs that are beyond comprehension, dreams that hold latent interpretation, incidences that manifestly do not unmask the motive but placing faith and believing that it is usually for our betterment. Such instances we come across are a message from heaven.

The world is overly populated today. You can't find someone to form a link with by setting out in the dark holding a candle. Life keeps surprising you every moment. In the most casual of locations, least important occasions and a complete non-situation is where one travels a milestone that can change your life from scratch.

On the spur of the moment it's hard to realise this. But life shows you seasons, that reasons do not know or understand. God paves ways that our eyes don't see just because minds don't comprehend. Accidents, incidents and co incidents happen just to unchain a road that becomes your torch eventually.

If only, with every step in life, we realise, it's not random. Those random meetings...are not that random. Hang in there till your puzzle finds a meaning. You never know when you come across something or someone that would later be the interpretation to your dreams. It's only upon arrival that your mind solves the riddles and is able to bridge the connection.

“Invisible threads are the strongest ties.”